


heavy hearts

by Rhiannon87



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, mutual unrequited pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 09:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9485657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhiannon87/pseuds/Rhiannon87
Summary: In which both Percy and Vex manage to give their hearts to each other without the other noticing. Mutual pining set during the early  weeks of the Chroma Conclave arc.





	1. the weight of a heart

Percy had been carrying the weight of his love for Vex for so long that it seemed perfectly normal now. The heaviness in his chest, the dull ache of longing behind his ribs, the barely acknowledged and quickly suppressed sparks of jealousy when she turned her gaze on someone else. He had no claim on her. No one did. Vex was… she was a force of nature. Unstoppable and determined, greedy and generous in equal measure, crafty and clever and charming, with a heart as vast and warm as the sun in the sky. How could he  _ not _ have fallen in love with her?

She cared for him, he knew that. Loved him, though perhaps not the same way he loved her. Vex had vowed to help him fight the Briarwoods, without a moment’s hesitation. She had promised to protect him, from himself, from the smoke behind his eyes. And through it all, she’d never told him he was evil. Never called him a monster, despite all the evidence. 

She’d reached out to him through the black fury and vengeance and asked him to come back. And he had, without hesitation, for her.

So. Vex’ahlia cared for him, that much was certain. And Percy was in love with her. He wasn’t sure if she knew, though he let himself tell her on occasion. That was the advantage of Vex’s constant stream of verbal affection, the darlings and dears and loves that she gave away to anyone in earshot. It meant he could tell her how he felt, let his jagged-edged heart out of its cage for a moment, and she wouldn’t think anything of it.  _ “I love you, darling,”  _ he’d said, back in Victor’s hovel. He’d meant it with every fiber of his being, and she’d been none the wiser. It was just part of the game.

He suspected some of the others knew, though. Keyleth, probably. Vax, almost certainly. It wasn’t like he was exactly subtle. He let her carry around his money because it made her happy, gave her specialty arrows because they made her smile, made her a Baroness because it might have  _ finally _ made her realize she was worth so much more than her father thought. And, of course, he tended to go embarrassingly red and stammer out thanks whenever she kissed him. (It didn’t mean anything, he knew better than that. She kissed everyone. She’d kissed  _ Grog _ .) 

And it was good, he supposed, that he’d adjusted to the weight of it. That he’d figured out how to carry it, that the others had politely and quietly decided to let it go unmentioned. Because it wasn’t going away, and he wasn’t doing anything about it. There would be no confession of love, no hope for requited feelings. Even if she did feel the same way, he was in no shape to enter a relationship like that. His heart was broken already, all sharp shards and jagged edges, and offering it to her would only hurt them both. 

So he would continue to love her as he had, and spend his days doing everything in his power to make her happy. That was enough. That had to be enough.


	2. a generous heart

Lady Vex’ahlia. Baroness Vex’ahlia of Whitestone. Lady Vex’ahila, Baroness of the Third House of Whitestone and… something, she’d have to get Percy to write out the full title eventually. Repeat it over and over, the way she had his full name, so she could recite it without a single stutter.

They’d left Syngorn hours ago and headed back into the untamed wilderness of the Feywild, and Vex still couldn’t quite believe Percy had  _ done _ that. Last night, when she’d admitted her fears about returning, all she’d wanted was for him to stay by her side. Not to say anything, not to do anything, but just to be an anchor, a reminder that while this city might hold her in low regard, there were other people who thought she mattered.

She’d never expected him to give her a title. And even when he had, when he’d recited it off while staring her father down, daring him to challenge it, she’d assumed… She assumed Percy didn’t mean it. It was just something he was saying to throw Syldor off-balance, it didn’t actually mean anything. It wouldn’t hold any weight.

But it was real. The title was  _ real _ , though Percy was quick to point out it came with very little. Vex didn’t care about that, though. She knew how much Whitestone meant to him, how important it was, and he’d handed her a part of it.

Vex wasn’t sure anyone had ever given her such a precious gift.

Her gaze kept drifting to Percy as they walked. He and Keyleth were bickering good-naturedly about something, and Vex couldn’t help a smile as he gestured broadly in the air. At least those two were enjoying their trip to the Feywild. Percy seemed to go into most conversations with a sort of vicious glee, as if eager for the opportunity to fuck with people. Probably just enjoying the chance to show off how very clever he was--and Vex had to admit, the trick he and Keyleth pulled with the crest was  _ damned _ clever--but part of her hoped that he was doing it to get a little revenge for her sake, too.

Vax abruptly slid into her view, a shit-eating grin plastered on his stupid face. “What?” Vex snapped.

“You know, two solid minutes of  _ staring _ isn’t quite what I meant when I told you to keep both eyes open,” Vax said smugly.

“I wasn’t--I was not staring.” Vex felt her ears start to go warm. Dammit. Stupid ears.

“Two minutes.” Vax waggled a pair of fingers in her face. “I counted.”

Vex rolled her eyes and sped up, trying to put some distance between herself and her obnoxious twin. “You need a hobby.”

“I have a hobby, it’s called killing a fuckton of dragons.” Vax bounded forward to keep pace with her. “ _ You _ need a--”

“Trinket, come show your uncle how much you love him,” Vex cut in flatly. 

Trinket rumbled happily and bounded over. “That’s cheating, Vex’ahlia--oh, okay, okay, hi buddy, okay, yes, I love you too,  _ no don’t-- _ ” The rest of Vax’s protests were lost as Trinket gently bowled him over and began licking his face, leaving Vex free to walk on and think in peace.

She stole a couple more glances in Percy’s direction, careful not to look long enough that she could be accused of staring. That was twice now that Vax had implied she had some sort of infatuation with Percy, which was… odd. She cared about Percy, of course, he was a dear friend. One of her favorite people, if she was honest. And she thought he was handsome, but anyone with eyes could see that. Handsome and brilliant and too clever by half, sharp in every sense of the word, broken by the things life had done to him but strong enough to overcome it, to drag himself into being a better person even if he didn’t see it--

Vex blinked at the grass in front of her, eyes going wide.  _ Oh, fuck. _

All right, so, maybe Vax had a point, although she was  _ never _ , not in a million years, going to admit that to him. She was maybe rather a bit interested in Percy. Which was the last thing she needed right now. And the last thing she needed to be thinking about him. Crushes were fine when it was someone distant, someone she saw only rarely. Then she could enjoy the warm fluttery feelings and pine from a distance until it all faded. 

But this… this was  _ Percy. _ He was a constant in her life. They traveled together, lived together, fought at each other’s sides. If he didn’t feel the same way, then things would get terribly awkward. And he had somewhere to go. If he didn’t want to remain with Vox Machina, he had a home and a family and a realm to return to. He could leave far more easily than the rest of them, and the thought of losing Percy broke her heart.

And there wasn’t much to make her think he felt the same way. Oh, he cared about her, that she knew. He considered her a friend. He wouldn’t have given her so many wonderful, thoughtful gifts otherwise. But just because he had a generous heart didn’t mean that heart belonged to her. He gave people gifts, it was how he showed he cared, and it wasn’t his fault that Vex had decided to give him her heart in return. 

She couldn’t put that on him. Couldn’t demand that he deal with the weight of her feelings. She’d keep this to herself, for his sake and hers. Less painful to hide it than to tell him and face rejection. Than to see him walk away from their family. Not a risk she was willing to take.

Trinket whuffled behind her and nudged into her arm. “There is bear drool in my hair,” Vax said from her other side.

Vex shrugged. “Good, it needs to be washed.”

Vax rolled his eyes and flounced off to Keyleth’s side. She smiled brightly and held her hand out to him, and without hesitation he laced their fingers together.  Vex frowned as a pang of envy shot through her. Envy of what they had, as complicated and messy and weird as it seemed to be. Her gaze drifted to Percy, still walking beside them. He did care for her a great deal. Maybe… there was a chance?

Not a chance she was willing to take. Not yet. Vex shook her head and reached up to scratch Trinket’s ears. She could worry about it later. After the dragons were dead. When the world had stopped falling down around their ears, then she could worry about what to do with her foolish heart.


End file.
